Why Don't They Ask Us?

I'm sure you've seen news stories that announce how often seniors are having sex or how much we enjoy the sex we're having. A problem I have with many of the studies about sex and aging is that they often don’t define “having sex.”

Does "having sex" mean partnered sex only? (Solo sex is real sex!) Heterosexual intercourse only? Orgasms? Are they asking whether we're having the same kind of sex we used to? What if we're enjoying new ways of having sex?

If we give a partner an orgasm and the partner gives us an orgasm, but there's no PIV (penis in vagina), did we have sex? I say yes. If we haven't had partner sex for a year but we give ourselves weekly orgasms with our favorite vibrator, are we sexually active? I say yes.

I don’t think we know much about what kind of sex seniors are having, once we broaden the definition of what sex is. My definition: Sex is any activity, solo or partnered, that gives us sexual pleasure, arousal, orgasm -- and maybe, but not always, all three. Does that cover the kind of sex you're having? Help me finesse this definition.

Let's discuss this. How would you define sex at our age? And how has your definition of sex changed over the decades? If you're willing to share your definition, or you have a comment on this topic, I invite you to post to the comments section. Your turn!