2016 Holiday Gift Guide for Sexy Seniors

Whether you're looking for a special gift for a loved one, for the two (or more) of you, or for your own private pleasure, here are some recommendations to put a sexy, satisfied smile on your or your giftee's face.

If you think your gift won't arrive in time, blame it on me for getting this Gift Guide out so late. Write a note about your intentions and welcome in the New Year when it arrives. (Or email me and I'll hand write the note for you, scan it, and email it back to you.)

Best of 2016

Two of our favorites have new updates:


The Pulse III for penis pleasure has arrived from Hot Octopuss, and it's better than ever. Now you can go from any level straight to "Turbo Mode." An anti-stall sensor prevents any pressure from interfering with the vibrations. The Duo partner's experience has been improved. And now it charges magnetically. Every penis owner that I know who has tried any version of the Pulse has loved it, especially because no erection is required. I appreciate that as good as it is, Hot Octopuss keeps improving this penis pleaser. Read this review of the Pulse I and II and this one of the Pulse Solo and Duo II from our contest winners. Order the new one here.

Do you own a Sybian? If you do, check out these two new silicone attachments to ride into orgasm: Triple Delight has soft clitoral and anal stimulating bumps at either end of a penetrative G-spotter. (Yes, you can have it all.) The Silky Smooth Flat Top is for you if you prefer your vibrations without penetration -- use it in either direction and put the bump wherever you want it. If you're unfamiliar with the glorious Sybian, read my review here (notice the discount code!) and learn about other silicone attachments here.

Rumble

Here are some special sex toys that I reviewed in 2016, with quotes from these reviews and links to the full reviews:


Rumble. "Do you want a vibrator that's well-designed, well-made, body-safe, and fairly strong -- with a truly ergonomic shape, size, and weight? A solution if you have wrist arthritis or any condition that makes it difficult to grip or hold up a wand vibrator for as long as it takes to get the job done."

Doxie Die Cast

Doxie Die Cast. "Strong as in lie-back-and-it'll-happen strong, even if your orgasms usually take a lot of effort. If you like a high intensity clitoral vibrator, this power tool will sing to you in great, rumbly, throbby tones."

Prism V

L'Amourose Prism V. "A curvaceous work of art that happens to be a deep, strong, and rumbly g-spot vibrator. The shape and faceted design are lovely, and it's easy to hold." 

Womanizer

Womanizer W500. "It's the suction. It doesn't just vibrate (though it does do that) -- it gently pulls on the clitoris, bringing blood flow, engorgement, and increased sensation. It's not 'sucking' like a vacuum -- it's subtle, but oh so effective and pleasurable."  

New Kids in Town

Here are couple of new products that might strike your fancy. I haven't written full reviews of these, but they deserve mention here:

Funkit. (Yes, that's an "n," not a "c," though the logo with the "n" on its side makes you look twice.) This beautiful silicone dildo aims to please, whether you use it vaginally or anally. The end is a suction cup, so you have even more options for play. Check out Funkit's website for many more dildo designs that show you that sex and art can be a lovely couple. They also make butt plugs, spanking paddles, and textured rings for your pleasure-giving finger.



O-Wand. Big and heavy -- 1.6 pounds and 13 inches long -- this elegant, powerful, silicone vibrator is curved with an ergonomic handle so you can hold it in different ways and even rest it on your body. It comes in a huge (17"), fancy box, includes a nubby cap accessory and a set of charger adapters for different countries. There's no pouch, though, which is strange considering its high price. It's completely waterproof, so you can take it in the tub with you. (I recommend not taking it in the shower, because if you drop 1.6 pounds on your foot, it could be serious.) Get 15% off with the discount code "BETTER15" -- just for our readers.

Stocking Stuffers

Überlube: When you want to feel a gliding sensation of skin on skin, this luxurious silicone lubricant delivers. Long-lasting for our slow-burning older bodies, slick for our delicate tissues, and a clear favorite of mine. Available in an elegant glass bottle or a refillable travel case.

Wicked: Want to smell and taste like a candy apple, cinnamon bun, or salted caramel? Wicked has a delightful collection of flavored lubricants, most of then water-based. Buy them at SheVibe,

Lucky Bloke: For the best selection of condoms, Lucky Bloke has you covered -- so to speak. Take their simple test to make sure you're wearing the right size condom, then order some sampler kits and try different brands. Lucky Bloke also offers lubricant samplers.

And for that Big Sex Organ Between Your Ears...

Of course it would make me very happy if you got your giftee or yourself one of my senior sex books -- the gifts that keep on giving. A good choice for a holiday gift is Ageless Erotica, a ground-breaking anthology by talented writers over 50 featuring steamy, sexy characters over 50 (sometimes decades over 50). Ageless Erotica presents sexy seniors enjoying and sharing their erotic moments in short stories and memoir essays . And while you're looking at my books, how about giving your sweetie or yourself one of my self-help senior sex books for the new year?

Not for sale, but just to make you smile... 

This kitten is Bobby Joe, a new member of my household. He is trying very hard to take on the role of resident sex kitten.

Our Dumb [Lack of] Sex Education

High school
grad 1961

If you're over 60, 70 and beyond, how did sex misinformation and the lack of a decent sex education form your attitude about sex?  What did you have to learn or unlearn to become the person you are today?

I'll start. I was born in 1943. This was my sex education:

• When I was in junior high, my school's gender-segregated sex education program was comprised of a filmstrip showing drawings of the reproductive system (no clitoris to be found) and a lecture about menstruation -- why it happens, what to expect. I recall nothing about why people might choose to have sex!


• When I was a young teenager, my sex education was a pamphlet handed to me by my father, an obstetrician/gynecologist, explaining how the sperm fertilized the egg -- but nothing about how the sperm got to the egg, and nothing about arousal or pleasure.


• When I was an older teenager, my father told me, "The best birth control is a dime -- held firmly between the knees." He did not want me to end up like some of my classmates who came to his office for a pregnancy test and later were shipped off to have the baby somewhere and give it up for adoption. These were the days before legal abortion.


• The summer before I started college, my grandmother told me, "Don't ever let a boy have his way with you! If you do, he'll never marry you. After all, why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?" I was already having sex with my high school boyfriend.


• During my freshman year in college, my father found out that I was having sex with my high school boyfriend. My parents declared that I was never to see him alone again, only supervised by my parents or his. So I learned how to lie to my parents.  


• Home for the summer after my freshman year in college, I feared I was pregnant. Rather than risk going to a local doctor who would know my family and inform my father, my former boyfriend and I drove 50 miles so that I could use a fake name and not be recognized. I never told my parents about this.    

How did my lack of sex education inform my later attitudes and behavior? Fortunately, I was a rebel. You wouldn't have guessed that looking at me. I behaved in school, dressed like a "good girl," studied hard and got good grades, and mostly kept my divergent views to myself. But sexually, I rebelled. Thanks to my [lack of] sex education in high school, I thought I had discovered sexual passion -- surely no one else knew about this! I loved getting excited, even though I wouldn't have my first orgasm until sophomore year in college. That was one more casualty of my [lack of] sex education -- we didn't know anything about the clitoris and its role in female orgasm. Heck (I laugh to find myself falling into the language of the times!), we didn't know anything about female orgasm, except that some women were "frigid" and it was their own fault and they should fix it.

But enough about me. How about you? What are the things you were taught -- or not taught -- that make you shake your head in disbelief now? If you're over 60, please comment. Use whatever invented first name you want, but please include your real age. If you're under 50, please stay and read the comments -- this is the life we led. This is how we learned (or didn't learn) about sex. These are the barriers we had to overcome.

Speaking of barriers, who remembers the childhood game Red Rover? "Red Rover, Red Rover, we dare Joanie to come over!" -- is that how it went? The person who was summoned would race to the line of locked hands and try to break through. As tiny as I was (6th grade nickname: Mighty Mouse), I always succeeded because I barreled through any obstacle with little fear of consequence. I guess in my small way, I'm still doing that!

Pulse II Duo and Solo: Reviews from our contest winners

9/1/2017 note: My links formerly went to older models of the Pulse which were new at that time. I've just changed the links to the newest model, Pulse III, even if the text refers to an older model.

August 26, 2016: So here's how this contest happened. I have been a fan of the Pulse penis vibrator since late 2013, when I first learned how it enhances sex for penises, with or without an erection. Since that time, I've raved about it, along with my other favorites, at my presentations. During one of these, a man raised his hand and asked, “Do you need another Pulse tester?”

The audience and I laughed, but then I started thinking: At our age, especially, we have such divergent sexual needs and challenges. What if I did enlist the help of some carefully selected assistants to review the new Pulse II Solo and Duo? I asked Hot Octopuss, creator of the Pulse, whether they'd sponsor a contest. We were on!

The deal was that potential Pulse reviewers would enter my contest, describing why they wanted, needed, and deserved a free Pulse II. They would promise me an honest review if they won. I chose three winners out of many fine entries. Now that they've had time to test and retest their prizes (thanks, guys!), here are their reviews. Enjoy!

Boone

When erectile dysfunction struck me a few years ago I was in denial. I blamed stress, tiredness, just about anything I could think of. I finally had to admit to myself as well as to my partner of 10 years that what was happening was erectile dysfunction.

She took the threat to my heart health seriously and encouraged me go to the doctor. As difficult as it I found talking to someone about such a deeply personal issue. I am glad I went. The doctor informed me I had a high level of bad cholesterol and high blood pressure that needed to be controlled through medication. The good doctor also offered pharmaceutical options for my ED. I decided to pass on that, based on the adverse side effects.

My partner also went searching online for other alternatives to help my ED and found Joan Price’s book, Naked at Our Age. After reading the book and some of Joan’s blog, she decided to introduce sex toys into the bedroom. She also began encouraging me to view sex as not always having to lead to penetration.

Before the Pulse Duo I hadn’t tried a vibrating sex toy targeted specifically at men. I was a bit skeptical of this odd shaped silicone contraption. I had only used silicone c-rings and experimented with applying my partner’s electric vibrating wand to my soft penis. I found these pleasurable and helpful in my struggle with ED.

The Pulse II Duo was more than I could have hoped for. I love that I can easily enjoy sexual pleasure while not being fully erect. The design of the toy is key, open on one side and you can lay your flaccid penis within it. The Duo is equipped with a variety of speeds and oscillating patterns. The vibrating or oscillating circular part (the pulse plate) feels wonderful as you move it up and down the shaft. It feels exceptionally good on the sensitive glans head and its ridge. You or your partner can control the level of friction just by squeezing tightly or releasing. Using lube or going without also can change friction and sensation.

I found that most times I was quickly able to get fully erect from the pleasurable sensations I enjoyed from the Pulse II, and it always helped me achieve a powerful orgasm. The Pulse is a quality product that could be a Godsend to any man, but especially those who are struggling with ED. 

The Pulse II Duo is marketed as a couple’s toy and comes with a remote control for the vibrating underside. This extra vibration area stimulates the partner of the person wearing the Duo. The remote controls the strength of the vibrations. This is a nice and thoughtful touch.

My partner and I tried using the Pulse II Duo in the missionary position. Unfortunately, although she found the Duo’s vibrations enjoyable, they were just not powerful enough to bring her to orgasm. 

Neither one of us let this small disappointment take away from the high I was feeling from my new found confidence. We experimented with simultaneous masturbation. I use the Pulse Duo and she uses her wand. It’s a new aspect of our sexuality to watch the other self-pleasuring, and we both find it highly erotic.

I have a new confidence in the bedroom now. My partner and I have always enjoyed the sexual aspect of our relationship and I was so afraid of losing her to a man who could satisfy her. I now realize these fears were unfounded and just my insecurities at work. I am beginning to fully embrace the reality that sex does not have to equal penetration. There are so many other sensual pleasures to indulge in. I just wish it hadn’t taken me 52 years to figure this out.

Jeff

The Pulse II was designed for men like me. I have had low testosterone and taken hormone supplements since my mid-thirties. Now, at 55, I also have high blood pressure and high cholesterol. As a result, my erections are weaker and easily lost without the right kind of ongoing stimulation. Male stroker toys never worked well for me -- a sleeve of squishy artificial flesh didn’t keep me hard.

My first impression of the Pulse’s design was its alien yet elegant aesthetic. If I didn’t know it was a sex toy, I might expect to see it as a prop on Star Trek. It features black curved contours, expandable wings that wrap around the penis (whether soft or hard), and ridges that stimulate its underside. Most important is the pulse plate, roughly the diameter of a quarter, positioned to provide direct stimulation to the sensitive spot at the frenulum of the penis. The pulse plate generates an oscillating vibration to the frenulum in a way that both generates an erection and provokes a climax.

Two sets of controls operate the Pulse. On the left is a power button that also changes the pulse pattern. Holding that button for over a second toggles the power on or off. Shorter taps on that button change the stimulation from a simple steady vibration to one of five additional pulsing patterns. On the right side are + and – buttons that increase and decrease the vibration speed and intensity through nine levels. Unique to the Duo model is an additional vibrator on the underside of the unit, positioned to stimulate a partner. A small remote control disc activates that vibrator through three speed settings.

Use of the Pulse seems intuitively obvious. Just place your penis, whether erect or flaccid, in the Pulse, turn it on, and away you go. In practice, however, it does have its challenges. The Pulse is neither fish nor fowl. It is not a stroking sleeve that simulates the feel of human skin. Nor is it a vibrator that can be easily positioned to directly stimulate exactly where you want it to. It requires a bit of experimentation to find the right positioning, speed, and movement to provide satisfying stimulation.

The buttons require a frustrating amount of pressure to operate. Most settings for both pulse patterns and vibration speeds weren’t very arousing – more like a mild tickling sensation. In my first use, I was a bit disappointed until, like Goldilocks, I finally found that “just right” speed. The Pulse then rocketed me to a climax in just a couple of minutes, before my erection had even completely hardened.

The Pulse can be used with lube, but I prefer the more intense direct stimulation I get without. I tried the different pulse patterns, but for me none were as arousing as the default constant vibration. Some speed settings were too slow and mild, and others were too fast and numbing, but a few in between were “just right.”

The Pulse can also be a hands-free device, producing a climax with no manual stroking or additional stimulation needed. However, I found those orgasms less powerful and not very satisfying. I get a truly intense orgasm from slowing down just before crossing the finish line, and letting the energy and anticipation build for several seconds. Then, when I can’t hold back any more, the release is an explosive climax. When using the Pulse in a hands-off manner, though, there is no slowing to build anticipation and energy. Instead, it propels you constantly, inexorably, straight to the goal and across the line without any change in speed or intensity.

I prefer taking some hands-on control. Just a slight stroking motion, or a change in vibration speed at the right time (in spite of the hard-to-press buttons), can provide enough variation to generate a truly powerful climax.

As a toy for couples, my partner Christine found the Pulse less innovative. Its hard, smooth surface felt cold to her at first, and she was disappointed at the lack of options in the underside vibrator. It only cycles through three basic speeds, with no oscillation or pulsing patterns. We experimented with a few different positions. Most enjoyable was a pseudo-missionary position, with me kneeling between her legs and positioning the Pulse on top of her clitoris. I could take control of the speed of the underside vibrator with the remote control disc, while enjoying the separate oscillations of the pulse plate against my penis. With some foreplay for her before applying the Pulse, we were able to enjoy a near simultaneous orgasm.

In conclusion, the Pulse is not quite the ultimate male toy. But it is a very effective and stimulating solution for men who can’t always maintain a solid erection. At the right setting, it can quickly bring you from flaccid to climax in just a few minutes. With experimentation and practice, it can also be a gratifying, versatile toy for both solo and couple play.

Tom

I am 64 and my wife is 63. We have been together for over 40 years and enjoy our sex life. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2009 and had my prostate removed with robotic laparoscopy. I have recovered well, however, I do need Levitra for intercourse. I find that even with an erection, it sometimes takes me a very long time to orgasm. This can be difficult for my wife trying to stimulate me.  Sometimes it takes so long that my erection is no longer firm, and I need an even greater level of stimulation.

The Pulse seemed like something we could use together to stimulate me to orgasm. Could it produce an erection and orgasm even without Levitra? We typically needed to plan our intimate times at least an hour in advance for Levitra to take full effect. If the Pulse worked without a pill, I hoped we could be more spontaneous – and it wouldn’t tire my wife!

I received the Pulse II Solo and easily understood the controls. The USB charger worked well and had a full charge in just a couple of hours.  

The first time using the Pulse, I took Levitra and allowed it to work. Then my wife and I tried using it to stimulate my erection. The vibration felt very good but was numbing after a few minutes. We then tried the pulsation patterns. These were better because the patterns of pulse and pause allowed for less numbing. The vibrations felt good, but did not lead to orgasm. However, we did continue and had intercourse after we played around with the Pulse II, so the stimulation was helpful.

One issue was that I needed to move the Pulse II around to keep the vibrations focused on the right area. I was hoping that it would provide vibrations and my wife could just hold it in a good position and it would work its magic, but it needed more repositioning. The other issue is that this unit is loud. I think that put us off a bit. We have vibrators, but they are much quieter.

The next time, I tried the Pulse II alone, without taking Levitra. It gave me a good erection. After a bit of trying different pulse patterns and moving it to keep it in the right spot, I had a satisfying orgasm. I find it easier to work holding it myself because I can more easily move it to control the response. I found that the pulsing patterns were very helpful with keeping it from numbing me the way continuous vibration did.

Based on the way the Pulse gave me an erection without Levitra, I feel confident that we’ll be able to use it for partner sex as a means of stimulating me to erection without medication. And it is definitely good for solo sex. We will continue to explore its capabilities!

* * *

Many thanks to  Hot Octopuss for the prizes! Please support them by checking out their website and ordering your Pulse II from them directly if you decide you want this guybrator on your team. Thank you, Boone, Jeff, and Tom, for your detailed and thoughtful reviews. I know you'll help others.  Pulse on!



12/18/16 update: Read about the new Pulse III on my 2016 Holiday Gift Guide for Seniors!

Notable 2016 Sex Books

Sex: there's so much to learn! These well-written, 2016 non-fiction books present new information, helpful tips, and provocative points of view that you'll find illuminating. These books make great holiday gifts -- buy them in time to read them first!



Inviting Desire: A guide for women who want to enhance their sex life by Walker J. Thornton, is a self-help book of tips, tools, questions, and exercises that help you understand and own your sexuality after the shifts you’ve experienced after menopause. It’s written as a 30-day process to invite desire and sexuality back into your life, and help you examine new ways to think about sexual desire, prepare for sex, understand your own arousal pattern, and accept yourself as a sexual being. Thornton's tone is soft-spoken and intimate, sharing the practices that she has learned along her own journey. "This is about you, your body, and your desire," writes Thornton.

Thornton covers many useful topics in her 30-day journey. You'll learn more about yourself as a sexual being as well as tools for making changes.  Although Thornton says, "it's for you, not you and a partner" and the exercises are done independently, the book is geared to women who have partners or partners-to-be. If you're solo, some of the practices won't apply, but you'll still learn new ways to think about your own body, your own desire, and your own pleasure.



 Future Sex: A New Kind of Free Love by Emily Witt. Single, in her thirties, and (sometimes) enjoying the hook-up culture, Emily Witt decides to observe and participate in other ways that people enjoy sex. She explores Orgasmic Meditation, the making of porn, sex parties, and Burning Man, for example. If you liked America Unzipped and Secret Sex Lives, you'll enjoy this one, too. Some of Witt's discoveries/conclusions:

• "Some experiences you avoid not because you know you don't like them but because you don't want to like them...My aversion to pornography was not because the images didn't stimulate, but because i did not want to be turned on by sex that was not the kind of sex I wanted to have." 
• "I think if someone were to draw a portrait of the people who were 'ruining Burning Man' it would have looked like us."
• "I now understood the fabrication of my sexuality. I saw the seams of its construction and the arbitrary nature of its myths...Just as wanting to fall in love did not manifest love, proclaiming myself 'sexually free' would not liberate me from inhibition."

In Search of My Sexy Old Self: Re-discovering sex after sixty and beyond  by Cathy Thomas is a memoir + self-help guide on rediscovering sex with a partner after it has gone dormant. At 71 and 74, Cathy Thomas and her partner had been together 30 years, and for the last decade, sex had stopped for them. They rarely talked about it, and skittishly dropped the subject if it happened to come up. Then Thomas decided to go on a journey, researching whether people were really having sex at their age, and if so, what kind of sex, and why, and how. Her research led her to several authors (among them, me) and websites, and the new knowledge she gained culminated in a rebirth of sex and a new kind of communication and intimacy between Thomas and her partner. The end of each chapter includes "Discovery Tasks" to help you take this journey yourself.

I recommend this well-written and buoyant book especially for readers who want a gentler, more one-step-at-a-time pace in rediscovering their sex lives than I often promote. Whereas I may seem to push you into a "just do it" attitude whether talking to a partner or a doctor or self-pleasuring with sex toys, I know that many of you might appreciate a more gradual approach. This book may be just right for you.

Talking about Sex Without Intercourse

Let’s get one misconception out of the way. Sex without intercourse is still sex. Real sex. Satisfying sex. Hot sex. The idea that only intercourse constitutes “real sex” limits our creativity and our satisfaction.

Sex is any activity that arouses you and brings you sexual pleasure. 

So begins "A Senior's Guide to Sex Without Intercourse" which I wrote for Senior Planet. I spell out some reasons why you might want or need sex without penis-in-vagina (PIV), how you might want to explore sexual expression without vaginal penetration, activities to help you prepare for this change, and ways to communicate about it. I hope you'll read it and post your comments there. Let's make that Guide just the beginning of the discussion.

One of the topics I discuss is how to negotiate what you want sexually, whether you've been with your partner for decades or you're just starting to get intimate. I offer these opening statements if you're starting a new relationship and you want to become sexual in ways that do not involve PIV:

• I’m very attracted to you. Intercourse is not possible for me, but I’d love to explore all the other ways we can enjoy each other. 
• I’m excited about where this is leading. Can we explore how to make love to each other without the goal of intercourse? 
• I have to tell you that we might not be able to have intercourse. But, if you’d enjoy it, I’d love to use my mouth and hand to satisfy you.

Have you negotiated sex without PIV with either a longtime or a new partner? What words did you use to open the conversation? I invite you to post your comments here. (I want everyone including readers in their seventies, eighties, nineties to feel comfortable with the language here, so express yourself candidly but in words that wouldn't get bleeped on network TV.)

As sex columnist Dan Savage explained in a recent podcast,

Straight people should take from gay people these four magic words: “What are you into?” That question, when two guys are going to have sex, is always asked. When it’s a man and a woman, all too often, consent is granted and then all communication ceases. What’s happening next is assumed: if it’s heterosexual sex, it’s penis in vagina.

We don’t have that default assumption in gay land. When two guys say yes to sex, it’s the beginning of a whole other conversation. Everything has to be discussed and negotiated. Asking “What are you into?” is so empowering, because at that moment, you can rule anything in and anything out. It’s a sexy negotiation. Straight people sometimes say to me, I wish I could have more sex. I say, "You could, if you had a broader definition of sex."

In the Resources section of "A Senior's Guide to Sex Without Intercourse", I recommend several books. To make them easy to find, here they are with direct links to their Amazon pages -- or your local independent bookstore can order them for you.

Older Women Wear Lingerie, age 72

Aging brings wisdom and experience -- and body image insecurity. Most of us, even if we glory in our sexuality, have misgivings about our ever-expanding wrinkles and sags. Sometimes it takes another pair of eyes -- whether a lover or a photographer -- to show us that our outer beauty matches our inner beauty.

At age 65, then again at age 68, I stripped to lingerie for photo shoots. I learned a lot about myself from these experiences and from viewing and sharing the results. People applauded, praised me for my courage, high-fived me for encouraging others to have their own lingerie shoots.

My  blog posts about these events quickly drew more viewers than any of my other posts, and they continue to place in the top four all time most popular posts. Many women shared their own experiences and photos, some privately. some publicly. I was happy that my experience had helped to empower others.

 I didn't know I would do it again. But in September 2016, I slipped (wrestled?) my 72-year-old body into lovely lingerie provided by Lovehoney.com and smiled at the renowned Los Angeles photographer, Perry Gallagher, who specializes in Boudoir, Fine Art Nude, Fashion, and Wedding photography.

How did this happen? Krista from Lovehoney knew Perry's work and mine. When she learned that I would be in LA for speaking events in September, she offered both the lingerie and the photo shoot.

Krista explained her involvement in the project this way:

Joan is a lovely timeless spirit and I was overjoyed to work with her on a photo shoot and check out some of Lovehoney's newest lingerie styles. I connected her with one of my favorite photographers, Perry Gallagher, to complete the vision. 

Joan is not only adorable, she is also breaking down stereotypes that women of a certain age are not considered sexy or sexual. I want people to see that lingerie isn’t just for the young and pert. Lingerie, and sex toys, can enhance your sex life and increase your self-confidence no matter your age, size, shape, or ability.

What was it like to work with Perry? A ton of fun. Perry is a true professional. He knew how to put me at ease with his humor and his appreciation of the female body whatever its shape, size, or age. He give me instructions -- where to turn, where to look, how to arrange various body parts -- including tucking myself back into my bra when breast spillage occurred. The whole time, he clicked away.



I felt completely comfortable with Perry -- except when I worried about him climbing on a ladder to shoot me from above. (I have a fear of heights -- he does not.) It was exciting to be at the center of his rapt attention, I admit that. Much of that excitement was the feeling, "I'm doing this. My 72-year-old body is fine with being photographed in skimpy bits of cloth." It was a truly empowering experience that I'll take with me anytime I fret about a new wrinkle or thigh puff.

Thank you, LoveHoney.com, for sending me the luscious undies and sponsoring this photo shoot. These are the products I'm modeling. Follow the links if you'd like to wear these yourself!

• Lovehoney Spoil Me Satin Babydoll Set Plum
• Lovehoney Flaunt Me Floral Lace Robe
• Lovehoney Flirty Underwired Plunge Bra Black
• Lovehoney Tempt Me Dot Mesh Bra
• Lovehoney Flirty Black Lace and Mesh Panties

News flash: Lovehoney is offering my readers a 10% discount on everything -- not just lingerie! Follow this link.

Thank you, Perry Gallagher, for these amazing photos and for making the whole experience fun and full of laughter. View Perry's video here:

I would encourage other women of all ages to explore the opportunity to have just this type of experience for yourself: to be photographed and to see the inner beauty that is you, right now, no matter what age you are. Now is a good time.

-- Perry Gallagher

Senior Sex Classes, no travel required -- Interested?

3/16/17 update: I just announced my next webinar: 7 Steps to Reclaiming Your Sexual Pleasure on Sat., March 25, 2017. Learn more here, and please subscribe to my newsletter here. Do it now so you don't miss anything! 

Let's talk sex by phone or computer! No, I'm not inviting you to have phone sex or webcam sex with me. I'm inviting you to hear a senior sex class and ask your questions -- via teleseminar or webinar.

Background: Many of you ask when I'll be in your area giving a speech or workshop. You want to learn my tips for sexy aging, or negotiate sex with a new partner, or spice up your long-time relationship, or figure out how to get back your desire for sex, or deal with online dating, for example.


I'm sorry, I get so many emails that I can't possibly answer every one. The answers are often in my books, but I know that many of you prefer a different way of learning, or you want more direct and personal answers to your questions. I do travel to give presentations in many cities (see my events schedule here), but I can't be everywhere.

If I'm not going to be in your area, would you be interested in attending a personalized class by phone or online?

That means you'd listen to my class on the phone or watch it on your computer and be able to ask questions and interact in a small group. You would pay a modest fee to attend, which would include a handout.

Here are some sample topics I'm considering offering:

·        Why don't I feel sexual desire and what can I do about it?

·        Great sex without erections – sex isn’t all about erections, what we and our partners need to understand about giving and receiving pleasure, no erection required.

·        Dating at my age – tips and insights for making it fun instead of scary and sad.

·        Online dating at my age – avoiding the mistakes that most people make.

·        Safer sex – why I need to care about this, tips for talking with a partner. 
·      Long-term relationships – how to spice it up again, recapturing desire and intimacy.

·        Non-monogamy/ polyamory/ friends with benefits – would this work for me?

·        Talking to my doctor about my sexual issues: when, why, how?

·        Solo sex is real sex – how to stay sexual without a partner.

·        Sex toys – do I need them? How do I choose?

Do some of these interest you? If so, here are some questions for you:

1. Which topics would grab your interest? Examples above, or add your own. 
2. Would you make time for an hour-long class, or would you prefer 30 or 45 minutes? 
3. Would you prefer a teleseminar (via phone only, no computer required, audio only) or a webinar (via computer, audio and video -- you can see me speaking to you and view slides and images)?
4. Would you be more likely to attend live, with the option of asking your questions, or listen to a recording on your own schedule?
5. What country, state, time zone do you live in?

You can answer in the comments section here, or -- better -- email me so that I can contact you when I've finalized details. If you want to be on my mailing list for dates and topics, please email me with "online class" in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you!


Update: Thank you for the emails I'm receiving! Clearly you're interested. If you've already emailed me, I'll be on touch. If not, please do! Let me know which topics interest you especially. Write to me here. Subject line: online class. -- Joan

Doxy Die Cast: So Strong!

There's a new sheriff in town, and her name is Doxy Die Cast. She's strong, brightly colored, strong, made of a snazzy aluminum/titanium alloy, strong. Did I mention that the Doxy Die Cast is strong? Strong as in lie-back-and-it'll-happen strong, even if your orgasms usually take a lot of effort. If you like a high intensity clitoral vibrator, this power tool will sing to you in great, rumbly, throbby tones.

Let's back up. I had the privilege of talking to Ruby Goodnight from Doxy at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit last month. At the Doxy booth, I was dazzled by the gorgeous colors of the Die Cast models. After turning one on, I was even more dazzled by the strength of the vibrations.

In 2014, I had written a glowing review of the original Doxy Wand, so Ruby was familiar with my love of Doxy. When I told her I had to review this new model, she said she worried about its heavy heft for me, because she knew I wanted sex toys to work with arthritic wrists. That's one of my criteria for reviewing sex toys.

However, having experienced the Doxy Die Cast, I must repeat what I said about the original Doxy:

I generally prefer vibrators that are easy on arthritic wrists -- this one is not. It's heavy, it's huge, and I would be in pain from trying to hold it for any length of time. However, that's irrelevant, because it works so fast that my wrist barely notices. Yes, it's that good.

What do I love about the Doxy Die Cast? Let me count the ways:

• It's really strong. (Yeah, I know I've made that point already, but that is the point.) 
• The head is made of body-safe silicone and has a bit of cush for comfort.
• The head is large enough to send vibrations over much of the vulva and the internal clitoris, those pleasure-giving nerve endings under the surface. (See my Clitoring for an illustration of the wishbone- shaped part of the clitoris that we don't see.)

• The control buttons are large, easy and comfortable to press, and they light up. 
• The vibrant color wouldn't be enough to sell me on a vibrator, but when I'm already sold, gorgeousness is an added bonus.

The Doxy Die Cast is easy to use -- just press the power button quickly to turn it on, then increase or decrease intensity with the "+" or "-" buttons. But there's also a mode called the "pulse setting" that you might not find on your own if you don't read the manual. This is a revving up from low intensity to high. Once you're in this mode, the "+" or "-" buttons vary the rate of acceleration. I usually don't care about vibrational patterns, but this is especially pleasing! Access the "pulse setting" it by turning off the Doxy, then press the power button for two seconds and it will be running in pulse mode.

Here are some things you might not like so much, though they don't bother me when compared to the pleasure:

• It's big and heavy -- 13" long by 2.38" wide, weighing 1.8 pounds.
• It has to stay plugged in while in use. (That's understandable for powering a motor that strong.)
• Be careful following the instruction booklet, which is not completely correct for this model. Since the Doxy Die Cast has a silicone head (not "medical grade PVC" as it says -- that's a different Doxy), you do not want to use silicone lubricant with it, despite the booklet's instructions -- use water-based lube instead. Doxy tells me that these errors will be corrected on the next print run.

It comes with its own cushioned storage case. It's a huge, hardshell case, 19" long, so don't expect to carry it in a backpack. I would have appreciated a storage pouch in case I wanted to store or pack it without the mondo case, but this case will keep it clean and protected.



The Doxy Die Cast is available from SheVibe, a splendid sex toy shop with a devoted blogger following, because they treat their bloggers and their customers so well. Their website is also fun, because of the sexy comic art throughout the site. Check it out.

(Would you please tell SheVibe that they need some artwork showing people our age? Do you see me with my hand in the air, volunteering to pose?)

PalmPower: Now rechargeable!

8/8/2016. Updated review, thanks to the new rechargeable version of the PalmPower!  

August 2016 update:

Woo hoo, my beloved little PalmPower now has a rechargeable model, aptly named the PalmPower Recharge. If you're not familiar with the original PalmPower, read my June 2014 review below, then come back here.

The original model had to be plugged in while you used it. Not a big deal for most of us. But if you want to take your vibrator on a camping trip, or use it with a partner without getting tangled up, or you want to travel light on an overnight, you might have wished that you could charge your PalmPower, then take it away cord-free. Now you can. The PalmPower Recharge comes with a USB cord for recharging, then you can disconnect the cord and play on.

How's the intensity compared to the corded version? Very similar, not exactly the same. I found the rechargeable a smidgen less intense and a bit more rumbly than the buzzier original model. It's still powerful, especially given its small size. The design, size, shape are all the same, and the same attachments fit on both. Neither model is waterproof. You can remove and wash the cap (or other attachment), but you can't use the PalmPower in the bath or the pool, sorry.

If you've wished you had a strong, portable, small, uncorded vibrator that didn't require an outlet during use, the PalmPower Recharge will put a sweet, satisfied smile on your face. If you already have the original and the necessity of using it corded isn't a significant annoyance, stick with that one.

Many thanks to the Smitten Kitten for sending me the new model, for promoting sex positivity and sex education, and for supporting my mission here. Wonderful folks, those Kittens.

If you're curious about the ring in the photo above, it's the Clitoring from Penelopi Jones. The design is the internal clitoris -- quite a conversation starter, eh? After I bought mine, I asked if they would offer a discount to my readers and audiences -- yep, if you enter "niceprice" in the coupon box, you get 15% off.


Original review, June 2014:

Drum roll, please: Introducing the PalmPower, a lightweight, ergonomically designed product that packs so much power into a small, silicone topped vibrator that it jumped to #1 on my personal Hit Parade the first time I used it. And the second time. And... you get the picture.

Let me back up. If I were inventing a vibrator that would be perfect for me, at age 70, and for most of you, dear readers over 50, it would have these qualities:

• Really strong.
• Body-safe materials.
• Really strong.
• Lightweight and ergonomic -- easy to hold with arthritic wrists for as long as it takes.
• Really strong.
• Easy to power on and turn up the intensity, even when fingers and vibrator are well lubed.
• Really strong.
• Difficult or impossible to inadvertently decrease intensity, switch to unwanted patterns, or turn off by mistake. (Hate it when that happens!)
• Really strong.
• Won't die, run out of charge, or otherwise kill the buzz (literally and figuratively) for as long as it takes.
• Really strong.

Until last week, the Magic Wand -- my favorite since the 1970s -- was the clear winner, with all but one of the qualities above. But you know that the Magic Wand, as stellar as it is in every other category, is far from "lightweight." It's huge and heavy, but we put up with that because of its world class performance. (And, frankly, it doesn't take very long to reach our goal with the Magic Wand, so the monster heft of it does no real damage.)

The PalmPower has taken over as my favorite vibrator because it has all the qualities in my list. All of them, including lightweight. Best of all, as small as it is, the vibrations are super strong, strong, STRONG!

Using the PalmPower is simple. Plug it in (it comes with an assortment of plugs for different countries), press the button to turn it on. The longer you hold the button pressed in, the higher the intensity climbs! Release when you get the intensity where you want it, and it will stay there! (Sorry for all the exclamation marks, but I wish all vibrators worked like this.)  Press and release quickly to turn it off. That's it.


The head of the vibrator is a silicone cap that pulls off easily for cleaning or for trying a different attachment. To put it on, line up the "T" inside the cap with the "T" on the head, and it snaps right on. (I couldn't get a clear photo of the "T," sorry.)

I received two of the four possible attachments -- one with narrow "ears" and one with widely spaced "ears."

You can use the main cap and/or these attachments for honest-to-goodness massage, and the "ears" are also fun for penis stimulation. (Try the narrow ears on his frenulum, that sensitive, nerve-rich area where the glans meets the shaft on the underside of the penis.)

There are two more attachments that I did not receive -- one turns the PalmPower into a rabbit (clitoral and vaginal stimulation) and the other is designed for G-spot stimulation.

6/267/14 update: I've tested the additional attachments. The "rabbit" doesn't do much for me, but I was surprised to discover that I really like the G-spotter! Here's why:

1. It fits so snugly that the PalmPower becomes hands-free (!)
2. The strongest vibrations are concentrated on the clitoris (where the cap presses), with more subdued vibrations right against the G-spot (where the internal part presses)
3. You can play with tapping it, rocking it, or just letting it sit and vibrate. Yummy. 

The Palm Power does have some cons, but I'll overlook them because of all the pros:

• It has to be plugged in while in use. (It comes with a nice, long cord, though, so you don't have to station yourself near the wall socket.)
• Only the silicone cap can be washed -- the rest has to be wiped down without getting it wet. Be careful with the lube.

Hmmn, I think those are the only cons. It's a fabulous product!

Thank you, The Smitten Kitten, for introducing me to the PalmPower and sending me my new best buddy in return for an honest review.

Joan pretends the PalmPower is a microphone